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发表于 2019-5-23 10:06 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
生活圈制作
一.缺少安全感,信心感等
心理学中常说的习得性无助。注意,“习得性”这三个字说明无助感并不是从开始就有的,而是慢慢地通过你对自己行为和结果的内化总结得出的。如果孩子总需要等待才可以得到满足,或者永远得不到满足,一些孩子就会发展出一种无助感,认为这是一个冷漠的世界,“我已经哭得崩溃了也没人理我,在这个世界上我是无关紧要的”。父母忽视孩子的需求,孩子的大量需求得不到满足会导致孩子安全感、控制感和信任感的缺失。这样的孩子会觉得世界没有什么意思,他对人、对事物都没有探索的兴致。他们长大后,会难于和他人发展亲密关系,难于开口向他人求助,朋友少,无法发展良性的社会关系。其实这不是他们的错,而是他们心灵的社会化种子在童年早期没有得到浇灌,干涸致死了。
再想想这样的情景:你现在很饿,但是你自己没有任何的能力获得食物,你的感觉是什么?难受、紧张、焦虑……?孩子哭也是这样,而且他也不知道谁来帮他们解决。这时候妈妈出现了,每次当婴儿非常焦虑的时候妈妈就会出现。所以逐渐对妈妈形成信任。再逐渐对他人产生信任,慢慢对周围和世界产生信任。他慢慢就会习得我可以用我的哭声换来妈妈。这时就形成了让人愉快的安全感和控制感,让婴儿认为自己是个有影响力的人(我用哭声影响妈妈),我可以预测(只要我哭了,妈妈就会来帮我解决不舒服),因此,这件事我可以控制。这也让婴儿意识到自己是个有价值的人,因为自己的需求会被响应。婴儿最初的安全感、控制感、信任和依恋就是这么形成了。安全的依恋关系会影响儿童探索环境的能力和应对环境的信心。当婴儿知道自己的需求会被响应,世界是安全的时,他就会放手探索这个世界,去发展各项能力。孩子来到这个世界上,是那么的柔弱!不像小牛、小羊一出生就会站会走,他不会走,不会吃饭,不会说话,一切都要靠妈妈提供!妈妈就是宝宝的天!这时,如果他的需求有时得到及时满足,有时延时才能得到满足,有时又得不到满足,一些孩子就会把注意力全部集中到得到妈妈的关爱,得到需求满足上。这样的宝宝变成了不顾一切追求爱的宝宝,他再也没有精力和胆量离开妈妈去独自探索这个世界,去发展自己的能力。这样的宝宝在四、五岁时,会时时刻刻粘着妈妈,一刻不离。他们长大后,很多会变成人与人之间感情的俘虏,因为获得他人的感情是他们生活的主旋律。很多女孩子反复被一类坏男孩欺骗,不断地自投罗网,她们往往是小时候需求无法得到一致化满足而不顾一切追求爱的宝宝。小小的一个问题,引出了这么一个大话题。魔方妈妈不是说你对孩子哭了不抱就一定会产生最坏的结果。但是,如果你按照延迟满足的理论对10个月以下宝宝的需求不理睬,你的宝宝在内心深处,要么有冷漠的一角,要么有一颗不顾一切追求爱的种子。

正确的做法:1.最重要的是回应宝宝的需求,其次才是满足宝宝的需求,而不理宝宝永远是不好的。当宝宝哭时,妈妈可以马上用声音答应“妈妈就来了”,让宝宝知道自己的需求得到了响应,然后妈妈可以“踏踏踏”地慢慢走过去,用脚步声告诉宝宝你来了。你可以用这样的方式来培养孩子延迟满足的能力,既积极回应了宝宝的需求,又让宝宝知道他有时需要等待。这是比让他哭不理或立即满足更是一种更充满爱心的方式且结合1-2岁叛逆期对婴儿的做法,婴儿有了自己的意识会拒绝父母的安排,父母要尊重且鼓励他探索研究只要安全的,都应给与足够的安全感,尊重及鼓励等

2.妈妈不要因为哭而烦燥不耐烦而对宝宝发脾气,因为你越发脾气宝宝越害怕,就会越哭的厉害,妈妈最好及时发现宝宝的问题在哪里,跟宝宝解释清楚,让宝宝冷静下来,这样宝宝就不会再无理取闹地大哭不止了。

3.放下身段,蹲下来与宝宝交流。宝宝有时候想要妈妈抱抱是因为宝宝太矮,妈妈太高了,他看不到妈妈的脸就会很没有安全感,所以才哭着离妈妈近一些,要妈妈抱的。如果妈妈觉得宝宝已经岁数打了,不需要再抱着了,这个时候妈妈可以蹲下来与宝宝保持同一高度,告诉宝宝哭闹是解决不了问题的,宝宝现在已经长大了,不能再像小时候那样要妈妈抱了。要让宝宝明白自己已经不是让妈妈抱抱的年龄了,这样以后宝宝再遇到同样的事情才会明白其中的道理呢

4.不要动不动就太草率地批评,骂宝宝,好像都是宝宝不对,一出生一张白纸还不是父母把他培养成这样,多想想父母方法不对,养不教父之过,所以要让宝宝把他想说的话说出来说不定他就不哭闹了,这样问题也会更容易解决,就怕爸妈不问原因,上来就先批评宝宝一顿,宝宝看到妈妈那么生气,哪里还敢说话呢,只能哇哇大哭了。

二。如何判断婴儿惯坏了:老人总说让他哭不理他,以后他就不乱哭了,但请问有没有想过是否生病哭,又或者婴儿还不会说话用哭来表达他的情感意思又是合情合理的要求比如肚饿了等,而做为父母真的看明婴儿哭的意思吗?真的惯坏了吗?大人的不理不采会有怎么样的后果想过吗?
1.所谓惯坏那就是经常那种不好如没重复或经常这样应不叫惯坏。如惯坏了家是小皇帝总对长辈呼来喝去,总是给钱才做事,总是与父母谈判(你带我去游乐园,我才把手机还你),总是乱发脾气(记住是经常不合理要求在地上打滚、哭闹)
2.对于婴儿哭是否是惯坏了要分二种情况1)还不要表语言表示意思说话的婴儿,哭可能是饿了,拉尿了,生病了等等难以判断,哭声”其实是宝宝向父母“求助”的一种方式,建议父母还是多想想婴儿为什么哭,增加自己判断正确率,减小哭解决问题,少点往什么会惯坏想
2)会用表语言表示意思说话的小孩,如经常要父母给手机玩游戏不给就哭而为了止哭大人还总是满足小孩那真的惯坏了

三。高需求宝宝:在育儿领域,有一个词叫做“高需求宝宝”,它的发明者是美国一名著名的儿科医生威廉.西尔斯博士。当他和太太在生下第四个宝宝后,他们发现对之前三个宝宝起作用的方法,对这个宝宝完全没有用,一放下她,她就嚎啕大哭,得一直靠在大人的怀里,吃奶和睡觉的时间完全没有规律可言。西尔斯医生说:这个孩子唯一不变的地方就是她每天都在变,今天还起作用的方法到了明天就没用了,“需求无度”是这个孩子的写照。

1.高需求宝宝婴儿期非常黏人、警觉、情感强烈、耗费精力、要求苛刻、哭得很凶、哭得响亮、无法安慰、超级敏感。

2.高需求宝宝学步期至儿童期:精力充沛、忙碌、高度紧张、让人筋疲力尽、精神十足、急迫、顽固、没耐心、遗愿强烈、固执、富有挑战性、话多、容易发脾气、脆弱怕疼、总想让人抱。

3.高需求宝宝青少年至成人期:开始有魅力、充满活力、深沉、富有激情、机智、有领导作风、坚持自我、有主见、坚韧、富有洞察力、有见识、公正、善于与人交往、热情、有同情心、会照顾人、温柔亲切。


家有“高需求的宝宝”,意味着爸妈需要做好以下:

1:极有耐心和同情心:可能别的孩子一到睡午觉的时候,就能爬到床上去睡觉,而“高需求宝宝”会说:妈妈,我睡不着。于是妈妈只得陪着他玩,哪怕困得不行了。他非常脆弱,会因为一点小事就哭,当他哭着要你抱的时候,你不能说:“不抱”,不然他会哭很久,而只要你将他抱起来,哄一会,渐渐地,他就能平静下来了。

2:自我情绪安抚:孩子精力充沛,上蹿下跳,很容易让人烦躁、疲惫,父母需要及时调整自己心态,懂得适时释放自己的情绪,带孩子一起欣赏音乐,跳一段舞,创造轻松愉快的家庭氛围。

3:带着孩子一起做家务:大多数宝宝最喜欢最依赖的是妈妈,对于幼小的宝宝,可以多让他贴近妈妈的身体,比如用背带将他背在身前或身后;儿童期的宝宝,可以邀请他多参与到妈妈正在做的家务当中去,因为好奇和探索欲,他们通常会非常乐意,虽然会多一些麻烦,但会增进母子之间的感情。

4:多带孩子到外面去走走:小假期可以到孩子去超市,附近的小江边,孩子们是很喜欢热闹的人群的,不仅可以开阔孩子的视野,又能满足他的好奇心,消耗他旺盛的精力。

不管是爱哭的还是爱笑的宝宝,从某种角度来说,其实所有的宝宝都是“高需求宝宝”,他们都需要亲密抚育,有些宝宝在他们生命的某个方面是有着较高需求的,比如琴琴儿子的“抱”和“安抚”。而那些“高需求宝宝”他们会表现更明显,需求比别人更多,表达的情绪也更为强烈。他们表达需求的唯一目的就是:确认爸爸妈妈是爱我的,自己是有价值的,而父母及时的反馈则可以让他感受到:自己是安全的,世界是温暖的,是值得信赖的。





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Ann Thorac Surg 60:615622 Goldstraw P, Crowley J, Chansky K et al (2007) The IASLC Lung Cancer Sta ...

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